Friday, April 28, 2006

The Unrelated Negative Meme

I was feeling kinda grumpy this morning. Writing this cheered me up some.

5 Bands I Used-To Like But I Don’t Anymore:

David Bowie
Yeah, I know. Iconoclast. Innovator. Theatrical. Influential. Ho-hum. His music rubs me like an attractive woman with onion and salmon breath. His singing always sounds so calculated and plastic to my ears. His antics of the 70’s haven’t aged well, prancing around on stage in his androgynous Halloween costumes and his ugly make-up. I can’t think of many songs that annoy me more than “Golden Years.” I absolutely hate his “ad-lib” singing at the end of “Young Americans.” When “Let’s Dance” comes on, I try to concentrate on the tightness of the rhythm section and Stevie Ray’s guitar, but when he sings “When you say run / I’ll run with you” I hear a drunk Kate Hepburn.

Billy Joel
One of things that bothers me about Joel is his constant references to the fact that he ran with the tough guys from Long Island. That’s like saying “I have the coolest minivan,” or “Sure I get exercise – I golf!” Add to that his “lyrics.” Remember “It’s Still Rock and Roll To Me?” “Honesty?” “Piano Man?”

“And he’s talking to Davy
Who’s still in the Navy”

Except for “New York State of Mind.” That’s a good one. Lyrics are probably crap on that one too, but I share his affection for my home town.

Electric Light Orchestra
Just kidding. I think they sucked from the first note. I can’t stand their background vocals and their bogus violin riffs. As an ex-bandmate once said, “You can coat shit in chocolate, but at the end of the day it is still a pile of shit!” Jeff Lynne is the anti-lennon.

Bernie Taupin
Ever revisit his lyrics from the 70’s? I can’t understand how anyone ever thought he was good.

“Mars ain’t the kind of place to raise the kids
In fact it’s cold as hell
And there’s no one there to raise them
If you did…”

(By the way, you haven’t lived until you’ve heard Shatner recite those lyrics replete with his famous dramatic pauses. I hear he has to go into hiding every year a couple days before Easter when the homeless shelters put out the calls for ham.)

“If I were a sculptor
But then again, no
Or a man who makes potions
For a traveling show.”

Beautiful song melodically, but the lyrics make me cringe.

And while I’m at it, who thinks Elton John’s music took a major left turn once he decided that the world needed another Liberace? I’ll tell you who.


The Talking Heads
Except for “Remain In Light.” I still think that is a great album. The rest of their other records have lost their charm and pretty much leave me cold. I wouldn’t even mention them in this list, except for the fact that I used to count them as favorites.

5 Movies That Everyone Else Liked But Me

“Lost In Translation.”
I can never get those wasted two hours back. I’m supposed to feel sorry for these people? I like Bill Murray, but his character is about as sympathetic as Ralph from “Happy Days.” Poor has-been has to go to Japan to make $5,000,000 dollars while his wife calls him up about some renovations on their house in California gets a crush on a poor little rich girl who married a self-centered shallow photographer.

“Chariots of Fire”
It was a long time ago. I just remembered that I thought it sucked like Xaviera Hollander.

[Thanks for pointing out the spelling error, Xtcfan.]

“Breaker Morant.”
Rip-off of the brilliant Kubrick classic “Paths of Glory.”

“Ice Age.”
Even Jack Black couldn’t save this film from the corny Ray Romano.

Anything with John Wayne in it.
I mean it. His characters always strike me as big, dumb, anti-intellectual republicans that think "might makes right." He never did anything but say his lines. He “acted” the way Anthony Kiedis “sings.”

5 Things That Other People Do At The Office That Annoy Me

Chew gum.
Snap snap, chew chew. I can’t stand talking to someone who is chewing gum, staring into their gaping maws, listening to their saliva slather around their mouths and their heavy breathing. I hate gum. You really want to see me get mad? Watch when I step on a piece of gum that some slob spit out in the parking lot on a hot summer day. If were dictator, I’d ban the shit.

Slurp Hot Coffee or Hot Soup
Even worse when they add the “AHHH” after a mega coffee slurp. “SLUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURP! AHHHHH!”

Eat Smelly, Noisy Food In Their Cube
Look, I’ve eaten in my cube, but not fried fish or curry. A sandwich or a cup of soup is ok (if they can avoid the damn slurps!) but I can’t stand when someone stinks up the entire floor with their lunch and then crunch a bag of Cool Ranch Doritos for the next 45 minutes! I keep thinking, “Damn that is one big-ass bag of Doritos! That had to be the last one!” …………….CRUNCH!

People Who Blather on and on about their kids, especially when they have names like “Logan” or “Parker.”

“I went and saw Logan in the school play last night. He was a Tomato. He was so cute. I can’t believe the teacher didn’t cast him in the lead part as the Washing Machine!”

“Parker got an 'A' on her spelling test, and she didn’t even study. My Mom says she is even smarter than I was when I was her age.”

People Who Bitch About Their Job Every Damn Day
“This place sucks. I can’t believe I have to do this. These idiots don’t know what they’re doing.” Sometimes I just want to say, “Shut the fuck up or go get another job!”

Ok, I’m done. I tag Ned (even though I don’t think he likes the whole “meme” thing,) Bobby, Kevin, Blue Girl and Sound, unless they don’t want to play.


Blogger mini said...

you r 1 interesting person i must say.i hv never read such a thing b4

8:18 AM  
Blogger jemison said...

Wow--Talking Heads. I guess I agree with you about albums like "77" but I still loves me some "Naked." I'd like to see those guys put out one more album.

Buck up Dude, mid-terms are just around the corner. I think there will be something to celebrate this fall.

8:52 AM  
Blogger The Viscount LaCarte said...

I guess I agree with you about albums like "77" but I still loves me some "Naked."

Forgot about "Nothing But Flowers." Good tune.

I think there will be something to celebrate this fall.

I'm trying to remain optimistic, but I fear it might be too little too late. I hope I'm wrong.

9:07 AM  
Blogger XTCfan said...

I just remembered that I thought it sucked like Xavier Hollander

Is he Xaviera's sister? ;-D

That Shatner thing is *classic*.

12:57 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ok, Al -- I'll play!

(I hadn't thought of Ralph on Happy Days in yeeeeaaaars!)


7:59 AM  
Blogger Kevin Wolf said...

Yeah, Al, I'm game. I'll get started right away, now that I'm sorta almost back.

"New York State of Mind" is, I think, maybe Billy Joel's one actual "song" rather than crappy record. Mel Torme did a nice version of it and it holds up. But, man, some of his other records - crap on a cracker!

I know about your ELO issues. I actually like some of their stuff though I hardly ever listen to any of it. You've cut me some slack on this before...

Elton John/Bernie Taupin. Yeah - what the hell are some of the songs even about? The lyrics make no sense. Still, I have a soft spot for Captain Fantastic.

And the Shatner clip has been a favorite of mine since I first saw a bootleg VHS in the 80s. A friend of mine almost hurt himself, he was laughing so hard.

Disagree on the Talking Heads. As much as I love Remain In Light, I still think the earlier stuff holds up. Put on "The Big Country" again and see what you think.

Have to part company on Lost In Translation, too. I thought it was very good and that Bill Murray was excellent. Admittedly, not to all tastes.

Chariots of Fire is pablum.

Yes, John Wayne was never an "actor" per se but he certainly was an original character - even if that character was "John Wayne." He made a lot of crappy movies but I like The Quiet Man and his final flick, The Shootist.

I generally agree on the workplace issues but have to get going on my own list. I will say that I did know a kid named Logan and he was cool. Don't blame the kid!

11:05 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh, my. A lovely vitriol cocktail with a squeeze of lime. Lost in Translation will forever suck.

9:46 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

A little something for you here.

8:56 AM  
Blogger Eidin said...

I loved Lost in Translation. Saw it twice -- unusual for me. Also, liked Broken Flowers but not as much. Life Aquatic sucked -- big time.

6:25 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home