Deliverance From Evil

Few people know this about me, because I am embarrassed to speak of it openly. I was born into a family that was a member of a secret cult. I was raised blind to the evil of the cult, and was assured that these were good people who only cared about my welfare, and the welfare of the world at large. It is with much consternation that I reveal now some of the deeds of this cult, because they seem so outrageous as to be not credible.

The cult would accuse people of some bogus crime, apprehend them, torture them until they “confessed” to the crime, and then execute them.

The cult would visit wealthy members on their deathbeds, and through fear and coercion have them sign over their property and money. This happened to my great-grandfather in Sicily.

During World War II, the cult was either silent, or complicit with Nazi Germany, depending upon whom you ask.

For centuries, there have been rumors of senior members engaging in child molestation. Indeed, in 1962 there was an internal memo that threatened senior members should they decide to go public with evidence. When the leaders of the cult were informed of any molestation by a senior member, they would immediately transfer the accused to another location instead of turning them over to law-enforcement for prosecution, where the accused would be free to prey upon more innocent children, all because the cult feared loss of financial assets and reputation.

Today, the cult is active in Africa. A campaign is currently underway to misinform Africans who are at high risk for contracting the HIV virus. Against all scientific evidence and the outcry of the medical community and charitable organizations, the cult is telling Africans that condoms will not protect people against the HIV virus. Instead, condoms actually help spread the virus.

***

Okay, so I lied. This is no secret cult. This is the Catholic Church.

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I was fortunate in many ways. Firstly, my parents didn’t have the money to send me to a Catholic school, so I was spared the trauma that many of my recovering Catholic friends had to endure. Moreover, my mother, while a devout member, did not believe the church or the Pope to be infallible. She had her own views on birth control, ("There are too many people already!") and believed that non-Christians could go to heaven if they were good people. She did see that I attended Catechism in order to make my First Holy Communion and my Confirmation.

One story the nuns told us in Catechism was of two little boys (just about my age) who decided to run away one Sunday morning. Little Tommy wanted to go to church but Little Joey scoffed at the idea, saying, “We are running away, we don’t HAVE to go to church!” So Little Tommy went by himself and met up with Little Joey after mass. They ran down to the river and hopped aboard a makeshift raft and floated away. Soon, they ran into rapids and the raft broke apart. Little Tommy prayed and managed to grab hold of a rock and was later rescued. Little Joey’s body was found days later. He had died and went straight to hell.

The nuns also told about “Original Sin.” Apparently, we are all born with these pure white souls that have a big black mark on them. This mark is “Original Sin” that we inherited from Adam and Eve. Fortunately it can be erased by Baptism. If a baby dies before he is baptized, he couldn’t go to heaven because of that black mark. They go to a little room outside of heaven where they are cared for but are never allowed to see God or anyone else who makes it into heaven.

Anyway.

They told us about “mortal” and “venial” sins. A “Venial” sin wasn’t so bad. It was like a brown mark on the white soul that could easily be erased by confession. “Saying bad words” was a venial sin. “Not saying your prayers” was a venial sin. “Thinking impure thoughts about girls” was a venial sin. If you didn’t confess your venial sins and you died suddenly before confession, you burned for eternity, so you better go to confession as often as possible.

I was 7.

“Mortal” sins however, were different. These were the really bad things that people did. A mortal sin was like a black mark on your white soul. You could confess them and probably be forgiven if you were truly sorry, but if you continued to commit mortal sins, you’d get to a point where you could no longer be forgiven, and you would go to hell. Mortal sins consisted of things like Murder, Theft, Bearing False Witness, and …

Missing Mass on Sunday!

That one really got to me. “Missing mass on Sunday” was as bad as killing somebody? “How could THAT be?” I wondered. I would lie awake nights, trying to make sense of all the things that they were telling me. I knew that I wasn’t going to go to hell. I didn’t want to kill anyone or steal, or lie about what my neighbor did, and I really didn’t like going to church, but compared to burning in agony for eternity, I could go every Sunday.

Safe!

Still, it really bothered me that God thought that missing mass was as bad as murder. I asked my mother about it, and she said that it was okay to miss mass if you had a good excuse, like you were sick or your car broke down. When I asked her, "...you know, what if you just didn’t want to go?" she told me to ask a priest.

That was a mistake.

I went to confession, and at the end of the confession, before he gave me my penance, I said to him, “Is it true the missing mass on Sunday is a mortal sin?” He said “yes.” I said “Is it really as bad as killing somebody?” and he said, “Yes it was,” and he went on to tell me “not to think about it because it was sinful” and I might even go to hell for just thinking about it!”

Now I was screwed.

I would lie awake at night, and think about all sorts of thing. I would think about God and “always was.” “Always was? How?” Black mark. I would think about “missing mass and how could it be as bad as murder?” Black mark. Only Catholics can go to heaven, but other people in other religions believe they are right just like we think we are right. Black mark. Then I would think that maybe there isn’t a God at all. Maybe they just tell us that there is a God so we won’t be bad.

Dum, de dum dum!

“Now I am definitely going to burn,” I told myself, because the more I tried to ignore these things, the more I thought about them. I tried confessing these “sins,” but the priest told me to “grow up and stop thinking about it.” Fat chance.

Well, I did grow up, and I did think such things and many more. I could no longer accept the teachings of an entity that told me to believe things that my mind told me could not possibly be true.

And then I got angry. Angry that I was made to feel guilty and threatened with eternal punishment for mere critical thinking by an organization that was capable of such unspeakable evil acts as torture, murder and child molestation. In spite of all of this, I am supposed to be respectful of the Catholic Church? I am supposed to pretend that they are force of good in the world?

And they continue to condemn the likes of me to hell.

Related Post:

“ ‘Four Small Lives' Again: Part Of My Mother's Story” by Simon Knight

References:

Condoms Don’t Stop Aids

The CDC Disagrees

Vatican Told Bishops To Cover Up Sex Abuse

Church Treatment of Heretics

The Church says “It Wasn’t That Bad”

Photo Ops with the Third Reich

Excerpt from Carl Sagan’s The Demon Haunted World

Papal Infallibility