Thursday, December 01, 2005

Mark Twain - Infidel

"There has been only one Christian. They caught him and crucified him--early."

"I have a religion--but you will call it blasphemy. It is that there is a God for the rich man but none for the poor.....Perhaps your religion will sustain you,will feed you--I place no dependence in mine. Our religions are alike, though, in one respect-neither can make a man happy when he is out of luck."

"If Christ were here there is one thing he would not be -- a Christian."

"The so-called Christian nations are the most enlightened and progressive...but in spite of their religion, not because of it. The Church has opposed every innovation and discovery from the day of Galileo down to our own time, when the use of anesthetic in childbirth was regarded as a sin because it avoided the biblical curse pronounced against Eve. And every step in astronomy and geology ever taken has been opposed by bigotry and superstition. The Greeks surpassed us in artistic culture and in architecture five hundred years before Christian religion was born."

" To lodge all power in one party and keep it there is to insure bad government and the sure and gradual deterioration of the public morals. "

"Satan hasn't a single salaried helper; the Opposition employ a million."

"...the swindle of life and the treachery of a God that can create disease and misery and crime--create things that men would be condemned for creating-that men would be ashamed to create."

" The gods offer no rewards for intellect. There was never one yet that showed any interest in it..."

" This is a Christian country. Why, so is hell. Inasmuch as "Strait is the way and narrow is the gate, and few-few-are they that enter in thereat" has had the natural effect of making hell the only really prominent Christian community in any of the worlds; but we don't brag of this and certainly it is not proper to brag and boast that America is a Christian country when we all know that certainly five-sixths of our population could not enter in at the narrow gate. "

" ...a God who could make good children as easily a bad, yet preferred to make bad ones; who could have made every one of them happy, yet never made a single happy one; who made them prize their bitter life, yet stingily cut it short; who gave his angels eternal happiness unearned, yet required his other children to earn it; who gave is angels painless lives, yet cursed his other children with biting miseries and maladies of mind and body; who mouths justice, and invented hell, mouths mercy, and invented hell, mouths Golden Rules and foregiveness multiplied by seventy times seven, and invented hell; who mouths morals to other people, and has none himself; who frowns upon crimes, yet commits them all; who created man without invitation, then tries to shuffle the responsibility for man's acts upon man, instead of honorably placing it where it belongs, upon himself; and finally, with altogether divine obtuseness, invites his poor abused slave to worship him! "

Mark Twain


Anonymous Hieronymo said...

I think the last quote there is the clincher. It was echoed much later by Randy Newman in God's Song:

And the Lord said
I burn down your cities-how blind you must be
I take from you your children and you say how blessed are we
You all must be crazy to put your faith in me
That's why I love mankind
You really need me
That's why I love mankind

The interesting thing is that both these guys were known as humorists. Some things you just have to laught at...

1:08 PM  
Blogger Neil Shakespeare said...

God too is obviously a humorist. A black humorist, perhaps, leaning toward the sadistic.

5:15 PM  
Blogger Employee of the Month said...

Think of this photo of Mr. S.C.
Not a staged studio portrait.
A new way of photography and rare for the time, candid pose.
Totally at ease. The cigar smokers know of the relaxation he is experiencing. Sitting in a rocking-chair, appropriately dressed in a comfortable suit, legs crossed, bourbon sipped, thinking semi-deep thoughts, drawing on a gorgeous cigar.
I love this photograph.

10:26 AM  
Blogger Soundsurfr said...

It's not that I want God to wipe my butt for me (as some Christian once suggested). I would just like him to stop shoving poles up it.

1:59 PM  
Blogger M.T. Vanus said...

Surf Daddy...

There are a lot of Christian Poles who hope you get your wish.

AL...great usual. C wally zweent.

7:04 PM  
Blogger Kevin Wolf said...

Where's MT when we need him? (Or his modern day equivalent?)

1:40 PM  
Anonymous The Heretik said...

An elegant reminder that a few things were known before some of us claimed to know everything.

7:09 PM  
Anonymous rameau's nephew said...

twain was the source of some considerable consternation in 1970, 9th grade, Florissant...

Letters from the the Earth was deemed less than appropriate for mainstream book reportage. They didn't see that Huck and Tom were just as subversive, even disneyfied.

8:24 PM  
Blogger fuckstick2020 said...

Mark Twain: Proof that all people from Missouri aren't backwards rednecks.

3:22 PM  

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