Friday, May 04, 2007

Raise Your Hand If You Are an Idiot


Last night on the debate between 10 men who still have the balls to call themselves Republicans, Chris Matthews posed the question:

"Is there anyone on this stage...that does not believe in evolution?" *

I hate that. The concept. “Believe in evolution” as if it were a matter of faith. It is not something that is debatable. Evolution is everywhere. It is the way of the universe. Systems evolve. You don’t go from speech directly to notebook computers with GUI, video cards, wireless connectivity and stereo sound. You don’t go from walking directly to the space shuttle. Evolution is a fundamental aspect of existence.

"Is there anyone on this stage...that doesn't believe in gravity? How about fire?"

This week I met someone who disproved one of the old-saw criticisms of evolution – the one where they say no mutation is ever an improvement or offers any advantage. There is this guy whose thumbs were somehow split into two mini-thumbs.

You should have seen him with a blackberry.

(Listening to “Worried Down with The Blues” from “One Way Out” which was recorded at the Beacon Theater. Derek Trucks can almost make me believe HE made a deal with the devil – that man can play the blues! If you don’t know the tune, Warren Haynes sings the hell out of it. He sings: You made me turn my back on my very best friend / and when my back was turned you were messing around with him.” I fucking LOVE the blues when they are done right, and this current version of the Allman Brothers does it right.)

You know how to make a billion dollars?

Invent a copy machine that works as well as microwave oven, or even as well as a Hyundai. Damn things are about as competent as Barney Fife. Or was it Pfeif?



Imagine that – this country might actually elect a president that doesn’t believe in evolution, or claims he doesn’t because he’s afraid he might not be electable.

We also have Mormon running. A Mormon? Ever take a close look at THAT belief system?

Smith was a diviner of buried treasure in his youth, so he was comfortable with using magical devices to see things no one else could see. He kept such a close watch on the golden plates that he was using as a source for his translation that he would allow no one to see them. With his magic stones, Smith could translate the plates even without looking at them.

But after Smith finished 116 pages of the Book of Mormon, one of Smith's financial backers, Martin Harris, borrowed and then lost them! Smith needed some divine assistance and he got some: the missing pages, describing early Israelite-Americans, would not be retranslated, but instead translated anew from a different set of plates, magically provided.


Some days I just have to take a deep breath, look around this place we call America and say, “Fuck me.”

* Brownback, Tancredo and Huckabee raised their hands.

6 Comments:

Anonymous mtvanus said...

can you post the songs, and how did the cowards answer the evolution question?

5:29 PM  
Blogger Bobby Lightfoot said...

Yeh, them fucking Mormons are wronger than football bats. Give me the fucking creeps. They're like fuckin' Scientologists with fewer teeth.

Let's centrifuge them and use them for plasma.

Before they can do any more harm.

11:02 PM  
Blogger The Viscount LaCarte said...

MT - see the asterisk at the end of the post. Also click the song name to hear it.

- Al

9:14 AM  
Blogger The Viscount LaCarte said...

First solo is Derek.

9:17 AM  
Blogger Kevin Wolf said...

When I first looked into what the Mormons believe - let alone the idiotic way in which they supposedly gained the Book of Mormon - it was like reading bad sci fi. The comparison to Scientology is apt.

I hope they keep up the debates and that all normal people of whatever political stripe see this gang for the dopes that they are.

10:41 AM  
Blogger XTCfan said...

Imagine that – this country might actually elect a president that doesn’t believe in evolution, or claims he doesn’t because he’s afraid he might not be electable.

Don't have to imagine it ... we already have! (If one believes he was *elected*, that is...)

And I don't know about you, Bobby, but I ain't lettin' no Mormon or Scientologist plasma in my body...

3:34 PM  

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