Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Tuesday Tiger Pig Blogging -UPDATED

Update: My friend Kevin Wolf was quick to point out while these photos are real photos, the explanation is inaccurate.

Here it the real story.

Thanks Kevin!

Still, the pictures are cute...


Feel free to link to your blog featuring piglets being reared by a heart-broken tigress in the comment section.

Click here for the full story.

Thursday, May 24, 2007

New McCartney

Dance Tonight.

(Tune doesn't start until about 1:25 or so...)

What do you think?

Tagged By Bobby

I'm "it."

1. What's in your pocket?
The kick and the snare.

2. Is the pork ready?
Yeah, but I’m not.

3. Have you ever had to rock to and fro to make your poopie go?
I don’t listen to Journey.

4. Do you like onions?
Only when I listen to "The Sound of Pork."

5. So, how big is it?
Depends on what the meaning of the word “is” is.

6. Budweiser or real beer?
Reel Bear.

7. What do you feel about your nose?
The rest of my face.

8. Children: Baked or broiled?

9. Do you like it when I do this?
I’m not sure, but I think I might be ambivalent. Maybe not though.

10. Do you like the sound of chickens?
More than I like the sound of Kansas.

11. Would Beyonce clip her own toenails?
I think she bites them.

12. Do you like pork?

13. If the butter is soft, does the bus arrive on time?
Yes, but if the butter is hard, does the pork arrive on time?

14. When do you get up?
At zero dark thirty.

15. How did you survive childhood?
I'll let you know if I survive it.

16. What do you do before bed?
Get up.

17. What are your hidden charges?
I can't seem to find them.

18. Who's behind you?
Al Fresco.

19. Why don't people go to the bathroom on TV?
Because they are already there.

20. What's a soylent green popsicle?
Jerry Falwell.

21. What does it taste like?


22. Why doesn't Consumer Reports rate hookers?
They don’t? I must have confused my issue with Hustler.

23. Does George Bush replace the toilet paper tube?
I think he’s afraid that he might be replaced by a toilet paper tube.

I'll tag Jeremy, but I think he's too cool to play...

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Decatur Dem Speaks - Updated!

My friend, Decautur Dem really should have his own blog. Since he doesn't, I thought I'd share his letter to the editor of The Atlanta Journal Constitution which appeared in Saturday's edition.

Note: His LTA was in response to this.

THE REV. JERRY FALWELL, 1933-2007: Visionary stood as a hero of faith

- Al

To the Editor:

I was taught to avoid speaking disrespectfully of the recently deceased, but in the face of Rev. Benny Tate’s fawning tribute to Jerry Falwell (in the AJC op-ed page), I won’t hold my tongue. Tate holds that Falwell was a “great man”, but where’s the greatness? In the 1960’s he was a segregationist who blasted the Supreme Court’s decision in Brown vs Board, and whose radio show hosted the likes of George Wallace and Lester Maddox. Tate’s “hero of the faith” accused “pagans…abortionists…feminists…gays and lesbians…and the ACLU” of complicity in the September 11 attacks. And this so-called “visionary” seems to have paid a lot of attention to his visions of what goes on behind other people’s bedroom doors. Falwell was a prince? He sounds more like a bigot and a demagogue.

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Novocaine For The Soul

Last night, for whatever reason, my dream chauffeur decided it was time to take a spin back to the bowling alley where I worked in the 70's. I knew I didn't belong there - somehow I let myself in after closing and was hanging out in the back where I used to work. My job title was "pinchaser," which meant I reset the machines when they went off cycle, set up pins for the bowlers if there was some sort of discrepancy, and do whatever else the manager decided needed to be done. Like the the time I had to shovel out 6 feet of years-old urine-soaked beer bottles and cans, pizza-boxes, candy wrappers, condoms, undergarments etc. from the outdoor emergency exit stairwell that had been used as a combination free dumpster and public toilet by the local kids and winos.

It was loud back there - no ear protection or nothing. I was like 2 feet away from Alley # 1, and when bowlers were on 1 & 2 my ears would ring like an A440 sine wave at 80 db's into the next week. Not only that, they had me clean pins by hand using Trichloroethylene in this little machine that splashed the poison all over the place and had a short in it which resulted in periodic electric shocks.

Goddamn Republicans!

It wasn't the 70's anymore - that much I knew. I had my noise-cancellation headphones in tow, but since the lanes were closed no one was bowling.

I clicked on my Zen Sleek Photo, and it played "Novocaine for The Soul" by The Eels in its entirety.

Better that than "Take The Money and Run..."

Novocaine for The Soul
by Edge/Goldenberg

Life is hard
And so am I
You'd better give me something
So I don't die
Novocaine for the soul
Before I sputter out
Before I sputter out

Life is white
And I am black
Jesus and his lawyer
Are coming back
Oh my darling
Will you be here
Before I sputter out
Before I sputter out
Before I sputter out

Guess who's living here with the great undead
This paint by numbers life is fucking with my head, once again

Life is good
And I feel great
Cuz mother says I was
A great mistake
Novocaine for the soul
You'd better give me something to fill the hole
Before I sputter out
Before I sputter out
Before I sputter out
Before I sputter out

Friday, May 18, 2007

Falwell In His Own Worlds

Mark Morford, from the SFGate.com assembled these quotes:

"AIDS is not just God's punishment for homosexuals; it is God's punishment for the society that tolerates homosexuals."

"The abortionists have got to bear some burden for [the attacks of Sept. 11] because God will not be mocked. And when we destroy 40 million little innocent babies, we make God mad. I really believe that the pagans, and the abortionists, and the feminists, and the gays and the lesbians who are actively trying to make that an alternative lifestyle, the ACLU, People for the American Way -- all of them who have tried to secularize America -- I point the finger in their face and say, 'You helped this happen.'"

"If you're not a born-again Christian, you're a failure as a human being."

"Christians, like slaves and soldiers, ask no questions."

"I listen to feminists and all these radical gals -- most of them are failures. They've blown it. Some of them have been married, but they married some Casper Milquetoast who asked permission to go to the bathroom. These women just need a man in the house. That's all they need. Most of the feminists need a man to tell them what time of day it is and to lead them home. And they blew it and they're mad at all men. Feminists hate men. They're sexist. They hate men -- that's their problem."

"When you have a godly husband, a godly wife, children who respect their parents and who are loved by their parents, who provide for those children their physical and spiritual and material needs, lovingly, you have the ideal unit."

"The ACLU is to Christians what the American Nazi party is to Jews."

"I am saying pornography hurts anyone who reads it -- garbage in, garbage out."

"I am such a strong admirer and supporter of George W. Bush that if he suggested eliminating the income tax or doubling it, I would vote yes on first blush."

"I believe that global warming is a myth. And so, therefore, I have no conscience problems at all and I'm going to buy a Suburban next time."

"It is God's planet -- and he's taking care of it. And I don't believe that anything we do will raise or lower the temperature one point."

"I truly cannot imagine men with men, women with women, doing what they were not physically created to do, without abnormal stress and misbehavior."

"It appears that America's anti-Biblical feminist movement is at last dying, thank God, and is possibly being replaced by a Christ-centered men's movement which may become the foundation for a desperately needed national spiritual awakening."

"There's been a concerted effort to steal Christmas."

"I hope I live to see the day when, as in the early days of our country, we won't have any public schools. The churches will have taken them over again and Christians will be running them. What a happy day that will be!"

"The First Amendment is not without limits."

"Someone must not be afraid to say, 'moral perversion is wrong.' If we do not act now, homosexuals will 'own' America! If you and I do not speak up now, this homosexual steamroller will literally crush all decent men, women, and children who get in its way ... and our nation will pay a terrible price!"

"If he's going to be the counterfeit of Christ, [the Antichrist] has to be Jewish. The only thing we know is he must be male and Jewish."

"The argument that making contraceptives available to young people would prevent teen pregnancies is ridiculous. That's like offering a cookbook as a cure to people who are trying to lose weight."

"The whole global warming thing is created to destroy America's free enterprise system and our economic stability."

"You'll be riding along in an automobile. You'll be the driver perhaps. You're a Christian. There'll be several people in the automobile with you, maybe someone who is not a Christian. When the trumpet sounds you and the other born-again believers in that automobile will be instantly caught away -- you will disappear, leaving behind only your clothes and physical things that cannot inherit eternal life. That unsaved person or persons in the automobile will suddenly be startled to find the car suddenly somewhere crashes. ... Other cars on the highway driven by believers will suddenly be out of control and stark pandemonium will occur on ... every highway in the world where Christians are caught away from the drivers wheel." (from Falwell's pamphlet "Nuclear War and the Second Coming of Christ")

"God continues to lift the curtain and allow the enemies of America to give us probably what we deserve."

"You know when I see somebody burning the flag, I'm a Baptist preacher I'm not a Mennonite, I feel it's my obligation to whip him. In the name of the Lord, of course. I feel it's my obligation to whip him, and if I can't do it then I look up some of my athletes to help me. But, as long as at 72 I can handle most of the jobs I do it myself, and I don't think it's un-spiritual. When I, when I, when I hear somebody talking about our military and ridiculing and saying terrible things about our President, I'm thinking you know just a little bit of that and I believe the Lord would forgive me if I popped him."

"The Bible is the inerrant ... word of the living God. It is absolutely infallible, without error in all matters pertaining to faith and practice, as well as in areas such as geography, science, history, etcetera."

"The National Organization for Women (NOW) is the National Order of Witches."

"God doesn't listen to Jews."

"Tinky Winky is gay."

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

16 Words

Monday, May 07, 2007

What The Hell Happened!

This was on Sesame Street in 1973. Can you believe that? That's how cool WE were in the early 70's. Stevie wonder with a kick-ass band turning it out on a show aimed at pre-schoolers.

What the hell happened to music? To black /R&B music? To T.V.? To our country?

How the hell did we end up here?

And then here?


Once upon a time there were white guys that could sing and play R&B...

Friday, May 04, 2007

Raise Your Hand If You Are an Idiot

Last night on the debate between 10 men who still have the balls to call themselves Republicans, Chris Matthews posed the question:

"Is there anyone on this stage...that does not believe in evolution?" *

I hate that. The concept. “Believe in evolution” as if it were a matter of faith. It is not something that is debatable. Evolution is everywhere. It is the way of the universe. Systems evolve. You don’t go from speech directly to notebook computers with GUI, video cards, wireless connectivity and stereo sound. You don’t go from walking directly to the space shuttle. Evolution is a fundamental aspect of existence.

"Is there anyone on this stage...that doesn't believe in gravity? How about fire?"

This week I met someone who disproved one of the old-saw criticisms of evolution – the one where they say no mutation is ever an improvement or offers any advantage. There is this guy whose thumbs were somehow split into two mini-thumbs.

You should have seen him with a blackberry.

(Listening to “Worried Down with The Blues” from “One Way Out” which was recorded at the Beacon Theater. Derek Trucks can almost make me believe HE made a deal with the devil – that man can play the blues! If you don’t know the tune, Warren Haynes sings the hell out of it. He sings: You made me turn my back on my very best friend / and when my back was turned you were messing around with him.” I fucking LOVE the blues when they are done right, and this current version of the Allman Brothers does it right.)

You know how to make a billion dollars?

Invent a copy machine that works as well as microwave oven, or even as well as a Hyundai. Damn things are about as competent as Barney Fife. Or was it Pfeif?

Imagine that – this country might actually elect a president that doesn’t believe in evolution, or claims he doesn’t because he’s afraid he might not be electable.

We also have Mormon running. A Mormon? Ever take a close look at THAT belief system?

Smith was a diviner of buried treasure in his youth, so he was comfortable with using magical devices to see things no one else could see. He kept such a close watch on the golden plates that he was using as a source for his translation that he would allow no one to see them. With his magic stones, Smith could translate the plates even without looking at them.

But after Smith finished 116 pages of the Book of Mormon, one of Smith's financial backers, Martin Harris, borrowed and then lost them! Smith needed some divine assistance and he got some: the missing pages, describing early Israelite-Americans, would not be retranslated, but instead translated anew from a different set of plates, magically provided.

Some days I just have to take a deep breath, look around this place we call America and say, “Fuck me.”

* Brownback, Tancredo and Huckabee raised their hands.

Wednesday, May 02, 2007

Pirates of the Constitution

The title of the post just below this one gave me the idea to visit Mad Magazine's web page. I used to love MAD. Don't know if it is any good anymore (gonna have to buy one and see!) but they did let me download the above poster for free, which proves they may or may not be as funny as they once were, but they aren't drinking the Fox Newsade.

Also, I didn't want Wolfowitz's mug being the first image that any friends (or hapless 'net drifters) see when they drop by. Bad form.

What, me Ethical?

Neddie nails it.

With an Armed Guard Marching Ahead.

Here he is, at his best!

Don't forget this week's Top 10!