Monday, September 25, 2006

In Chicago This Week

A couple blocks from the Sears Tower. I hope I can get some pan-pizza, and maybe some Italian Beef.

I'm doing my first "co-teach" at the new company. Not a lot of time to even keep up, let alone write my own.

Why are gas prices going down I wonder...?

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Cuplee 3, er, 4 Quotes - UPDATED!

"I do not believe in the creed professed by the Jewish church, by the Roman church, by the Greek church, by the Turkish church, by the Protestant church, nor by any church that I know of...Each of those churches accuse the other of unbelief; and for my own part, I disbelieve them all."

- Thomas Paine

"The difference between science and religion is the difference between a willingness to dispassionately consider new evidence and new arguments, and a passionate unwillingness to do so."

- Sam Harris

"The believing mind is externally impervious to evidence. The most that can be accomplished with it is to induce it to substitute one delusion for another. It rejects all overt evidence as wicked... "

- H.L. Mencken

21-Sep-2006 9:03 E.D.T. Note: My friend Decatur Dem aka The Pirate Roberts has a friend named Larry. I had the pleasure of having a couple beers and some stimulating conversation with those two gentlemen some months ago. Dem left one of Larry's quotes in the comment section of this post, but I think it deserves to be front and center."

"Some people will believe anything, as long as there's no evidence to support it."

- Larry

Sunday, September 17, 2006

Here I am in Shangri-La

Well well well well well well well.


Just popping in to say that I survived my first week on the road, delayed flights and emergency vehicle landings notwithstanding.

I started the Shangri-La diet this week, (thanks to Mr. Cherfus) and I'll be damned but the thing works. I've already lost 4 pounds and I was on the road with an expense account eating in restaurants! The Viscountess has reported similar results.

I see that my blog has survived as well. I want to thank Mr. Lightfoot for giving this blog a good swift-kick in the arse while I was away. Somebody had to do it.

Thing is, what am I gonna do now?

Well, there's always The Rutles. Let's give a listen to "Shangri La."

Saturday, September 16, 2006

"The Aristocrats"


Or, "I Wonder If I'll Come Remove This Post When I'm Not Drunk".

Oh, classy, classy, classy. Viscount's gonna love this one.


Fuck, at my age Bach was writing organ inventions and I'm lolling about on green drugs and coffee wondering


Anyway, that crap aside- there's some serious thinking to do on this one. Let's all put our thinking caps on and scratch a chin on this.



Or maybe...hmmmm.

I've got a funny joke about skipping th' formalities and just cutting a hole in a dollar bill but I won't go there on th' Viscount's sober, reverential blig. But who's to say, you know? Who is really to say? I played this big Singles dance a couple of weeks ago and there were definitely some silverbacked flirtin' Myrtles if you know what I mean. The drummer Alonzo Washington was like don't knock it, man.

I remember my buddy Kent had this superhot mom that everybody called The Silver Fox. God, do I love that. Word always flew that Eric might have...well...word always flies, right? He'll never say.

Here's the Grande Dame dishing it with Trotsky at a soiree at the French Embassy.

In 1932.

Yeah, I know, I know- all this conjecturing is getting us nowhere. We have to apply some deductive reasoning and shit.


But that's just what I think.

Thursday, September 14, 2006

Sweet! Th' Viscount Lacarte's Neocon Slander Week! Number 6!!

Oh, you thought I was going to let this dirt bag off th' hook! Not bloody likely!

Here's fucknut here's big secret: His father was a particularly sick Ubersturmbahnfuhrer in th' SS.

So was his mother.

The plane that hit th' Pentagon actually scored a direct hit on this repulsive little weasel but he shapeshifted into a carbon atom and relocated to th' Situation Room.

Because that's what evil alien sturmbahnfuhrer offspring do. It's been proven time 'n' again.

I'm Not Done With This Disgusting Pig Just Yet.

Hastert! Whoa! I started paying special attention to this big gross pug when he did th' photo op and got into an SUV around the corner. Remember that? What a worthless, hateful, stupid piece of shit this guy is. Look at him. Look at the size of his footprint. Takes up a lot of space, don't he? Man, he's like a human (?) environmental disaster. He's like a Fat Spill Off Th' Coast Of Alaska.

I look at this disgusting, hateful, lying, repulsive fat sac and all I see is soap, brothers and sisters. Bars and bars and bars. So Pure It Floats.

Fuck you, Dennis Hastert. There is a special place in my heart for you. There is a special little room in there where I put people like you and when somebody cuts me at a bar and I've got to pull out a little somethin' extra to defend myself I think of you and man, I could take pretty much any fat stupid biker and beat them to death with their own arm. And then eat their entrails.

All of you neocon lying freaks are the same. Look at you. None of you could get laid. That's what it is, man. I know th' thoughts I start having after a month or two of no action. Can you picture what happens to a fellow who can't get laid and years stretch into decades?

Look at th' headlines, baby. Look at the headlines. The legacy of th' unsexed fat neocon shit eaters is spread before you like body parts on burlap at a bazaar. Yes, indeed. On burlap.

Hastert. Wow. I haven't succeeded at all in saying what I think of this fat ball of vomit. But I tried, right? I tried. There is no language in m'lungs.

Sweet! Th' Viscount Lacarte's Neocon Slander Week! Number 5!!

Th' reason for George Allen's hatred of anyone darkish is 'cause he was knocked up by the Nicaraguan gardener when he was 15.

And he loved, loved, loved it. He was all a-twitter.

That there's why.

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Sweet! Th' Viscount Lacarte's Neocon Slander Week! Number 4!!

Next time Shit Head does one of these sleeves-up photo-ops watch th' news for footage of Cheney. You'll find he walks sorta funny. They call it "touchin' lunch" in the Big House.


Sweet! Th' Viscount Lacarte's Neocon Slander Week! Number 3!!

Hey! Karl Rove is th' love child of Leni Reifenstahl and Mags Thatcher and a turkey baster.


And hey! Let us not forget this here week's Top 10 Conservative Shit Bags! Ha! POPcorn!

Sweet! Th' Viscount Lacarte's Neocon Slander Week! Number 2!!

Here's what I heard- I'll make it simple. Th' Bush twins were born in vitro 'cause George can only perform with a tape recording of his Mom reciting Revelations and Laura wouldn't have it!


Also! A correction to the "Bush Eats Kittens" rumor: word has it he doesn't actually eat them, he just bites them and tongues th' wound! Who'd've thunk??

Sweet! Th' Viscount Lacarte's Neocon Slander Week! Ha! I feel good!

Heyyy....guess who, polesmokers?

Hee hee.

So, check it- Denny "Th' Fat Asshole" Hastert comes up to me in a men's room at th' airport in Atlanta and hands me a briefcase and says he'll give me a kool grand if I'll go in a stall and pinch a loaf in it and let him watch under th' stall door!

True story!

Sunday, September 10, 2006

Out of Pocket This Week

I leave for NJ later today, and I haven't yet been issued a company laptop. Attending a class that I will have to teach in less than a month doesn't seem like the best place to blog.

I have asked to of my favorite bloggers to run interference for me this week, but it was last minute so I'm not sure if they are going to comply.

In the meantime, I'm going to do two "Reposts" for today and tomorrow.

See ya's next week.

For 9/10 - Here is my second post on this blog:

"My Converstaion with Herbert."

For 9/11, I couldn't help but resurrect this one:

"Four Years On."

Thursday, September 07, 2006

John and Joe

John & Joe

God, I miss the 70's. Maybe they sucked, but I was too young to know better. I love Joe Cocker, and John Belushi rocked.

Here's John doing Joe in "With a Little Help From My Friends."

And don't forget "Samurai Delicatessan"

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Started My New Gig

Friday was my last day at the old place. It was a good run - 4.5 years. Made lots of friends and was home almost every night. When I wasn't home, I was in London. You can't beat that with a brolly!

My first day at the new place I met a bunch of people, and after work they took us all to a nice Italian restaurant. I'm not going to be home every night. I will be all over the country, but I don't have to worry about losing my job to Bangalore, at least not until they move everyone else's.

Funny about this song - I don't pretend it is anything but lame.

But I love it.

I live such a rich fantasy life. I told The Viscountess back in early '04 that this should be Howard Dean's campaign song. "Ring out the false / Ring in the true."

Instead we got John Kerry. He couldn't have been any worse if he had the letter "L" tattooed on his forehead.

Oh well.

If you don't mind the lameness, click here and be optimistic with me.

1.20.09 is on the horizon.